For Better or Worse?

When I was planning my wedding, the entire purpose behind marriage was completely irrelevant to me. I mean, obviously I loved him, or I wouldn't have agreed to marry him. But once I got engaged, my biggest concerns were decorations, dresses, colors, and whether or not to have an open bar. Since we were engaged for a year and a half, this frivolous thinking went on for just that long. I look back on that now and laugh. As if one expensive party could be as important as a lifetime spent together.

Unfortunately, I think that is how the majority of people in our society view weddings and marriage. Do we even hear the vows that we agree to? Do we even realize what they mean? I swear, somewhere in the back of our brains, we hear the words "in sickness and in health" and think yeah yeah, but the sickness part will never happen to us. But what if it does? What if your spouse were involved in a plane crash and burned over 85% of his/her body...would you stay? What if they never looked physically attractive again? Or what if it was you? Wouldn't you hope that your spouse would stay?

Or what if you've been married for five years and have two children who take the majority of your time and attention. You have days where you swear you would trade your husband for a housekeeper. Romantic dinners at nice restaurants and movies together are a thing of the past. Now you have to eat in because it's cheaper AND do the dishes after you are done. Somebody has to keep the house clean. Somebody has to go to work everyday at an unfulfilling job because with two young kids, you definitely need health insurance. Your marriage suffers. Do you leave and find somebody else who makes you FEEL good again? A new soulmate to have fun with? Somebody to replace the person who used to be your soulmate before you both agreed to grow up and put away childish things?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately as I hear all the media garbage surrounding Jon and Kate Gosselin. Their separation has really left me feeling sad. I come from a broken home and I know just how hard a divorce can be on children, regardless of how many you have. And it lasts an entire lifetime, not just until they turn 18 and move out. So many people say that he should have left her because she treated him like a child, but I completely and wholeheartedly disagree. She should not have treated him that way, but he is the one who is abandoning his family- putting his own selfish desires before the needs of his children. He is the one who apparently tuned out the "for better or worse" part of the vows he took and instead heard "for better or else".

How many marriages end with the "he/she didn't make me happy anymore" excuse? Since when does happiness come from somebody else? We make our own happiness by choosing to see the good in our lives. And for those of you who are Christians, the lord's plan for marriage was not to make people happy, it was to make them more holy.

I agree that there are certain circumstances which necessitate a separation, but those are very severe and rare. People need to learn the true meaning of commitment. A marriage will be full of ups and downs, and for those who stay the course, I think that happiness will be there. Not because the other person makes you happy, but because you can be proud of the work you both have done to make it together. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. Love is what gets you married, but commitment is what keeps you there. And for the sake of all future generations, let's take that commitment a little more seriously, people.